Conquering Taboos in the Philippines
Today, do you still believe that you should cut off people just because of a break-up?
Hello awesome soul!
It’s been a while since I last wrote because I was busy recuperating. Aside from being mentally ill, I got sick the weekend after my birthday. I guess, it’s the universe telling me to slow down a bit, and breathe.
Then, I realized how far I’ve grown through the years. I fell in love, I got my heart broken, but I continued to stand up and brave the challenges that the universe has given me. It’s not an easy feat to do. I went through breakdowns and, ultimately, breakthroughs.
Now, I shall give my unfiltered thoughts about these taboos.
How do you conquer taboos in life?
Cutting off people because of 💔
I, personally, don’t agree with that common taboo, especially if your bond with those people is strong as titanium. These people may have been like a family to you for as long as you can remember, and you don’t cut off your family that easily.
In my previous newsletter, I shared that during my birthday, I celebrated it with my hybrid family. My cousins were there, and also my fake bros. I call them my fake bros because they’re my ex’s blood brothers.
Before you react, these fake bros of mine have been there for me during my saddest days last 2021. They checked in on me, mourned with me, and most importantly, never left my side just because.
I’m an only child and when people treat my like family, it’s something big for me. I’d keep you in my life as long as I can. But, if those people that I treated like family betray my trust or do something against me, then I’d revisit that and see if things could still be salvaged or amended.
Besides, I’m grateful for my fiancé because he’s very open-minded about me keeping my bond with my fake bros. My fake bros actually bond well with J, and even unite in teasing me! 🤣
So, my take on this taboo, think about the bond you have with those people and don’t be swayed just because the people around you tell you otherwise.
Unfollowing, unfriending, and blocking 📵
People who no longer bring value to you or help you grow should be reconsidered. I do unfollow people and unfriend them, especially if they don’t bring anything good to my life. If they spread disinformation or even fake news, that’s something that would prompt me to unfriend and unfollow them.
Blocking, on the other hand, is a stronger action. I’ve blocked people because they hurt me deeply, and did not even apologize for what they did. They might even think I’m being petty about it, but these friends don’t betray you, right? People who say they’re your true friends don’t use your name or identity to spread malicious information against someone you genuinely value.
Nonetheless, doing these significantly helps you cope with whatever you’re going through. It may help you move forward with life, and finally heal from the trauma you experienced from them.
Getting engaged and marriage 💍
Living in the Philippines has opened my eyes to different kinds of engagement and marriage. I witnessed how marriages can be from the people around me. Some are strong as hell, others stray away, and some don’t get married at all.
Honestly, the pandemic changed the way most people celebrate things. Most have chosen the path of intimate ceremonies, and only invite a handful of people. That’s precisely how it should be.
Some parents, though, use the marriage to show off or treat it as a status symbol. Like, the bigger the ceremony, the more influential or powerful they are. These parents invite people that aren’t even acquainted well with the couple to be married. In the end, the couple becomes baffled with how to interact with these people.
Another thing I observed is the practice of giving rings. Well, yes, it’s symbolic, and it has been the tradition ever since it was invented. But please don’t go broke just to buy a ring. After all, people are becoming more practical with their betrothal items. In my case, I didn’t want a ring at all. I asked J to design a tattoo that embodies all ourselves.
I was surprised though when he asked or mentioned that he might get inked too, with the same design! At first, I debunked it by telling him that, “Didn’t you point out that you don’t want to get inked?” But he just gave a sly smile. So, right now, I don’t have an idea if it’ll be our couple tattoo or what.
Some things I realized while witnessing people in my life get engaged or married:
It is your wedding. Don’t let other people control how your wedding is supposed to be. They can suggest things to you, but they cannot order you around, especially with inviting guests or certain people just because.
Choosing a big wedding isn’t bad at all. It becomes bad if the funds you used were ill-gotten or stolen.
Get all the help you can. Organizing events like this can be a pain in the ass, so ask for help from the people you trust to help you get leads for suppliers, caterers, and even a wedding host!
Don’t feel pressured if the people around you are getting married. Live your life the way you want it.
It’s also vital to get to know your partner’s family, especially if you intend to spend eternity with them. Remember, your partner lived with their family before they met you. Plus, when you marry, it’s not only the two of you, but you’re marrying the family too.
Moving in together 🏡
I think this could be one of the most controversial things, especially if you live in the Philippines. Families living in the province frown upon this because they believe that people should get married first before they live together – especially for religious families.
Moving in together will help you save resources, especially if both of you live in the same city. You can learn more about managing your finances, how to spend your time together and still have some time for yourself. Plus, you save money for dates! You can simply cook and dine in, or order food!
On the other hand, moving in together also reveals how your partner is when they get frustrated or stressed. It’s better to know these traits before getting married because you might dodge a bullet if you find out that they’re abusive in some ways.
Fun fact:
There’s no divorce in the Philippines, only annulment. The process is long and expensive, which can drain your bank accounts before the court gives its verdict.
That’s why I advocate for divorce. Not only it saves lives, but it will also give you another chance at love without worrying about getting sued for adultery or concubinage.
Now, if you worry about how your family will react, it’s best to inform them. In my experience, I didn’t ask for permission but instead, I told them that this was our (J and I) next step. Of course, your family will worry about your safety, so it’s best to introduce your partner to them too. It’ll give them a peace of mind if they know who are you living with.
On other news, here’s a new blog post:
If you’re still reading this, thank you for your support and your patience with these unfiltered thoughts.
I hope to see you in the future newsletters! 🧿✨